


And now I'm stuck in the moment (and my heart is open)

by Pichitinha



Series: What If [3]
Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eavesdropping, F/M, Fluff, LJ POV, Movie based, Not Beta Read, Romance, What-If, for a ship fic it has very little ship interaction lmao, grow a pair peter, i just always to fix this scene bc he gets on my nerves here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29666181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pichitinha/pseuds/Pichitinha
Summary: What IfPeter had been more honest at the bleachers with Gen?It takes a while for Gen to actually reply, but when she does her voice is laced with debauchery. “Are you seriously telling me that you like her?”“I don’t date people just for the sake of it.” Like you do, he leaves unsaid, but heavily implied.
Relationships: Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Series: What If [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786567
Comments: 25
Kudos: 109





	And now I'm stuck in the moment (and my heart is open)

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello!!! this is very short and seems very out of place now that the third movie is out (which btw i really really loved!!!) but i'm still strong on my decision to do what ifs of all the movies and we're still on the first and this scene has always bothered me bc peter is just so vague and he doesn't act like he already likes lj which we know he _does_. so here i am rewriting it a little bit and giving it a cute little ending just for kicks.
> 
> title is from the song [4 Real](https://open.spotify.com/track/2HUBtrX9MicIMxhzrSRlHA?si=u0m2TWxKT4y9c49jF63KbA) by **avril lavigne** and i know it's big but to me it fit too perfectly and i couldn't say no

_ "I don't know, Peter. It's like you don't have time for me anymore. Literally all you do is hang out with her." _

_ "Am I supposed to just wait around for you like an idiot while you're off with this college guy?" _

_ "Seriously, he's not a good listener." _

_ "Because he's not at your beck and call like I am. Gen, you can't keep doing this to me." _

_ "Wait, she's not coming on the ski trip, is she? Because that's our thing." _

_ "Why does it matter? You have a boyfriend." _

_ "Yeah, but… maybe by then… I won't." _

Chris’ eyes bulge out of her head and Lara Jean can feel something hot in her throat, her stomach uneasy.

This is it then. She’s not sure what to do right now, accidentally spying on her fake boyfriend whom she likes while he reconciles with his ex whom  _ he _ still likes.

She can’t see his face, but she hopes that he’s at least not beaming so she can keep a little bit of dignity.

“You’re unbelievable,” he says under his breath, barely loud enough for Chris and her to hear. “Gen,” he continues, but he sounds tired. “I have a girlfriend. You need to understand that.”

She freezes on her spot and feels more than sees Chris' “oh damn” reaction.

_ Wait, what _ ?

“Yeah,  _ Lara Jean Covey _ .” Gen mocks. “Everyone knows that’s not gonna last. I’ll be single on the ski trip, and you can also be single on the ski trip, and then maybe afterwards we can  _ not _ be single together.”

“Bitch,” she hears Chris murmur under her breath.

“That’s not gonna happen.” Peter cuts quickly and Lara Jean’s heart feels like it’s on her throat. “Listen, at the beginning I did think we’d eventually get back together. And I thought I wanted that. So I continued talking to you and being around and…” he stops and sighs. “But - I’ve moved on.”

What is he  _ doing _ ? The whole point of their (fake) relationship was to get Gen back. Now he’s pushing her away?

“Peter, she’s a  _ rebound _ !” Gen sounds almost hysterical. “And it’s  _ Lara Jean- _ ”

“She’s not a rebound!” His voice gets higher, an edge of anger in it. “And stop saying her name as if it’s an offense. Lara Jean is amazing.”

Chris holds her wrist and squeezes, an excited smile on her face. She’s almost buzzing.

Lara Jean is still stuck in shock.

It takes a while for Gen to actually reply, but when she does her voice is laced with debauchery. “Are you seriously telling me that you like her?”

“I don’t date people just for the sake of it.”  _ Like you do _ , he leaves unsaid, but heavily implied.

“Oh, so now I don’t have  _ feelings _ !”

“That’s not what I said.” Peter sounds more and more annoyed by the second. “But, look - _you_ broke up with _me_ ," he accuses, but doesn’t give her a chance to reply. “And then got with another guy like one day later. I’m not gonna argue about your reasoning or feelings. But you made it very clear you didn’t want to be with me anymore, and I’m actually glad now. I know what we had was real, I’m not denying that - we had some really good times. But it’s over.”

She’s probably imagining but it’s like she can feel Gen’s outrage radiating down the bleachers.

“Tell me, is the good girl thing a façade? Does she put out? Because seriously-”

“Shut up, Gen!” he’s definitely angry now. “What part of what I said is not clicking? I  _ like _ her, okay? I’m dating her because I enjoy being with her, I like her company and everything that comes with it. It’s none of your business what we do together, and it’s also not relevant. This isn’t an auction, I’m not asking you to bid higher. It’s her and not you. That’s it.”

“This is unbelievable!” It’s hard to pinpoint what’s stronger on Gen’s voice: disbelief, disdain or disgust.

Chris lets out a snort and it’s surprising they don’t hear. She seems absolutely delighted at the whole situation.

“You really expected me to just wait around for you like a lost puppy, huh?”

“Don’t do that.” It sounds half like a warning and half like a plea.

“Do what? It’s true! Twist it like you want it, it’s been like that for a while now. And I only realized I was tired of it when I got some fresh perspective.”

She snorts. “Some perspective, dating Lara Jean.”

“Yes.  _ Lara Jean _ ,” he emphasizes. “My  _ girlfriend _ . Who I’m gonna ask you to speak about respectfully, otherwise we’re done here.”

Gen gets up abruptly but doesn’t move away. After a while, her voice comes again, much softer now.

“What does she have? What is it that got you like this in three months?”

“I’m in love with her.” His voice is finally gentle but they freeze Lara Jean on her spot. “I don’t have a reason for it, I just am.”

“You were in love with me once, too.”

“I was. But I’m not anymore. And it’s different now, you were different. I’ll always be grateful for what we had, but it’s a closed chapter.”

“I can’t-” she cuts herself off, sighs in frustration. “Fine. Whatever. I don’t get it, but I’m not gonna humiliate myself begging for you.”

“Good,” is all Peter says to that and it seems to aggravate Gen even further.

“Can we at least be friends?”

“I don’t know. Are we actually friends? Or am I just the person you reach out to when you need something?”

“That’s not fair!”

“Okay, I know sometimes… I understand some situations.” He finally gets up too and through the spaces in the steps Lara Jean can see how he touches her elbow but keeps his distance. “But this isn’t healthy, Gen. Not for you and not for me. I moved on and you need to move on too, and you need to find someone more qualified to talk to when that shit happens. I think- I think we’re better off as just exes.”

It’s silent for a while, and then eventually she mutters “whatever” in the least nonchalant way possible and turns around, leaving quickly.

Peter stays where he was, maybe looking at her go or maybe not, and suddenly it’s so quiet that Lara Jean thinks he’d hear her and Chris if they were to even caress the grass. 

“ _ Dude! _ ” Chris’ eyes are still wide and she shakes Lara Jean a bit. Her first reaction is to look up, sure Peter’s heard them, but he’s actually walking down himself, going back to the building. In the back of her mind she knows lunch time is almost over and they’ll have to go back to class soon, but she’s still frozen in place.

For some reason she feels like she could throw up.

“I-” she has no idea what to say. Peter just ended things officially with Gen because of  _ her _ .

Did he mean it? If he didn’t, why would he say that? But if he did mean it…  _ why _ ? How?

“You need to go and attack your man with kisses because he so deserves it right now,” Chris says and pushes her a bit before she gets up and offers her a hand. And it’s only then that she seems to take in Lara Jean’s stance. “LJ? What’s wrong?”

She gulps and shakes her head, not knowing exactly how to explain this. She manages to get up anyway and cleans the back of her legs way more than they need to be cleaned.

“I just- I’m just confused.”

Chris seems to be confused too. “Because… your boyfriend likes you?”

She shakes her head. “No, it’s not- he’s not- I mean-”

Her phone pings loudly just then saving her from her mumbling mess.

_ PK: covey, where are you? :( i looked at all the usual spots, i’m gonna send a search party _

She chuckles despite everything and Chris raises her eyebrows. “The bell is gonna ring soon and we are not going back until you explain, so it’s up to you if you’re gonna miss a class.”

She bites her lips and looks around, even though they are in the most deserted place in school right now.

“He’s not actually my boyfriend,” she says and Chris looks at her like she’s crazy. “It’s fake, we’re faking it.”

“Wait, what?”

“He asked me to fake-date him to make Gen jealous and get her back, but now-” she waves around exasperated.

Chris blinks at her a few times and then she  _ smirks _ , which is the last reaction Lara Jean was expecting.

“Wait, wait, hold on. So it hasn’t been real?” Lara Jean shakes her head. “How unreal has it been? Small kisses in public and separate ways otherwise?”

She blushes. “ _ No _ kisses. And we hang out sometimes, but-”

“So you got that boy to fall in love with you without even kissing him? Damn, LJ!”

“That’s not-” she stops because, well, it seems like it is, doesn’t it? “I don’t know. What do I do now?”

“Now you go to him and kiss him senseless because he deserves it even more than I thought.”

“Chris!” She’s still blushing and still nervous and for some reason still feels like she could throw up a bit.

“You heard the man. He likes you. What are you waiting for?”

She says as if it’s that simple - but is it? Before she can reply the bell rings. “Shit, we’re gonna be late.”

Chris grabs her wrist and starts running to school, dragging her along. “Go get your man, LJ.”

The rest of the day goes by as slowly as she’s ever experienced it but it feels like a blur anyway. Each minute that passes is a minute closer to driving back with Peter and her stomach is in knots trying to figure out what to do. She can’t tell him she was eavesdropping, can she? Even if it wasn’t her intention, that’s not right.

She texted him back saying that she'd lost track of time with Chris at lunch and would see him at the end of school, and he texted back some sad emojis. Normally she’d roll her eyes at this, but now her heart does gymnastics. Now everything feels different.

She has half a mind to dash when the bell rings and just run home as fast as she can. Obviously Peter would catch her before she even got to the middle of the way because he’s in a  _ car _ . But it’s the principle of running away, really.

Except she sees him on the other side of the hallway when she exits her classroom. And he’s far, there are people in between them, she could easily disappear from him given her height and the people around - but then he sees her and his searching eyes immediately lighten up, his lips forming that big smile that lets everyone see his almost wolf-like canines. He starts making his way to her, muttering  _ excuse me _ half-heartedly without actually noticing the people in the way.

And her heart is once again dancing inside her chest, screaming at her to do something, so instead of running away, she runs to him - or barely power walks the five steps left between them - and the last thing she sees before she leans up as far as she can and closes her lips over his, are his eyes widening in surprise.

He reciprocates immediately regardless of his shock, his head leaning down to make it easier for her and his arms circling her waist and pulling her closer. Somewhere inside her head she’s aware that they’re in the middle of the school hallway at the end of the period when everyone is around, but her brain is buzzing with the words she’s heard from Peter today - the words that he said to  _ Gen _ , not even knowing she was there - and the last thing she wants is to part from his passionate mouth, his lips pressing into hers with urgency and kissing her like she assumes he’s wanted for a while.

He always did hate the no-kissing clause. Looking back now she can see why.

She breaks away and heaves soundly when her lungs can’t take it anymore, and he looks dazed and happy, a crooked dorky smile as he blinks rapidly at her, almost confused. He’s still holding her close and she tumbles back when one of his teammates hits his back.

“Get a room, Kavinsky.”

Peter doesn’t even look at him, eyes still glued to hers, so she keeps at it as well. It feels like they stay there for hours, but she knows it can’t be more than five minutes because there’s still small movement and chatter in the background.

“Covey?” he asks simply, but she can hear all the actual questions behind it.

She tugs a bit at the hair on the back of his neck where she’s still holding him and leans even closer as he lets out a whimper.

“I’m in love with you,” she replies, as if that answers everything he wants to know.

By the look on his face, it does. It’s almost like his grin illuminates her face.

“I’m in love with you, too.”

And she knows that, technically, but now he’s saying it  _ to her _ , looking into her eyes as he does so.

He’ll probably want to know what brought this on, why she’s suddenly kissing him in school and confessing her feelings, and she’ll have to tell him and maybe he’ll be mad she was eavesdropping. But right now she can’t really care, because he pulls her in once again and kisses her one more time.

Chris was right, he definitely deserves this. So she just kisses him back.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this little thing and if you did please do consider leaving me a kudo and a comment! as always i'm [pichitinha](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) on tumblr (i'm now giffing the movies! come check it out!) and you can read all of my other covinsky fics by [clicking here](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&include_work_search%5Brelationship_ids%5D%5B%5D=25514001&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&user_id=Pichitinha).


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